Drowning In My Dreams

Forced to leave the nest and  comfort of my hometown, it was time to go into the big bad "City of Lights".

I am 22 years young and hardly left the nest prior to this. My upheaval from Durban to Johannesburg really unsettled my system. My family is close knit and we are each very family orientated.We enjoy intimate family dinners and chats before collectively watching soapies on the television. Prior to moving out of home, I took family time for granted and never really appreciated the worth of those moments and how precious they were.

It is the change in environment that triggered the epiphany that I recently had. I now have a deeper appreciation of my family and the support structure which they are for me. At this point I am disoriented and in all honesty, finding my feet is proving to be a bit of a challenge.I have a tendency of taking on a passive personality and it becomes hard for me to break out once I have found comfort in my shell. I am however grateful for the little curios voice inside of me, it is the reason that I often find myself in trouble but it is also the reason  I chose the field of journalism. I doubt I've been doing enough as of late to showcase my curious personality but I'm truly hoping that I will get over myself and start working and showing these people why I deserve to be here.

 Durban is huge but I know my way around everything. I could probably walk around Durban CBD with my eyes closed. I grew up in the concrete jungle, a small area called Sydenham, not far from the city centre. It is notorious for drugs and crime. I admit that it's not the safest environment to raise a child but I also believe  it is one of the very few places which rigorously teach a child about life skills. I think I turned out okay, and all my grooming took place in Sydenham. I was exposed to a lot, far beyond my age and that made me streetwise. It also gave birth to the idea that I've had for a while now, but that's a story for another day. For now let's focus on the reflection at hand. I had always pictured a life outside of my hometown. The hardest thing for me was leaving my family. Yes I know I sound like a big baby but the whole point of a reflective piece is honesty. I just never had a clear idea of where my destination would lead. So wish granted...

I've been in Johannesburg for the past three weeks and the journey has been an emotional roller-coaster. I've went from overjoyed to severe depression.I mentioned earlier that I currently feel disorientated and its really starting to frustrate me. Not even jet-lag lasts this long. I am my biggest critic, introspection is the easiest thing for me to do. I believe that I am blessed because I am able to acknowledge and realize my own flaws. I will not hold back, I'm ready to dish it out and lay myself on the line.

The idea I had when I initially started scripting this piece was to vent about how I felt I was not being accommodated by everybody else around me. I'll have you know that the focus has since changed, I am nobody's responsibility. Rather, I will focus on how I have shut myself off from everybody else and try to navigate my way back to sanity.

The first to weeks were bearable because I lived with a friend and she went out her way to ensure  that I felt at home. She truly is an angel. I never thought anyone could sacrifice so much of their space, energy and money to ensure that someone else is happy. The lesson I learnt from her is that angels aren't white men who live in the sky, they are actually people that we come into contact with on a daily basis. While home life was tranquil, I was experiencing information overload at work. Not that I'm complaining, I was having fun. My concern however, is that I was unable to absorb as much as I would have liked to. I sincerely hope the little which I managed to absorb will see me through the journey.

The drama started two days ago when I moved in to my own place. I had this great fantasy of how living on my own would be and honestly,it has no resemblance to what I had envisioned  . Instead I live in what I have dubbed as "hell". That apartment has so much drama, even though it is not directed at me, I still feel it is contributing towards pushing me into a state of depression.

My greatest concern is my disconnection to everything around me. It is almost as if my emotions have shut down due to failure of handling the new pressure I am faced with. I fear that my emotional-disconnection will hinder my progress and prevent me from performing to the best of my ability. I hope that I will get a grip and adjust in time and continue with life. My strongest point has always been my creativity, that and my confidence. Since coming to Johannesburg, both have taken a knock and I struggle to understand why. I am truly pushed out of my comfort zone and it is evident that I am not in my element.

My fear was getting lost and ending up in a township where everyone speaks a different language, thank heavens that hasn't happened. And I pray to God that it doesn't.

I've always believed the most intricate and crucial part of solving a problem is acknowledging that you have one in the first place. My greatest challenge now is figuring out what to do so that I find my element again. Losing my biological father at this time of my life also added fuel to the fire. It really is the last thing I needed at this point because my emotions suddenly have so much to deal with all at once. I'm not a cry baby, really I'm not. Talking about my emotions remains the hardest thing for me to do, and so I've taken a comfort in writing things down. I am a scribe.

Writing this has given me perspective. I have remembered why I am here and what my passions are. I drop this keyboard to bury myself in books. Yep I'm about to research something that could lead to the biggest story of my career. So wish me luck and pray that I am able to overcome the depression that is slowly trying to creep up on me.

I had another direction in mind but this piece has taken its own direction and I will just let it be because I believe that whatever my finger tips type on this keyboard is something that was meant to be said.

Holding on or Letting go

I tell you no lie when I say letting go is one of the most difficult things to ever do. The emotional trauma that comes with it is just too much to bear.
What we should realise however, is that when we open ourselves up to a relationship, we have automatically opened ourselves up to the possibility of being hurt. Knowing this doesn't necessarily mean that it will hurt any less though. Everybody loves to love and each soul loves to be loved but reality is that things don't always work out the way you plan them.
Holding onto to something or someone that doesn't want to be held onto will do you no good. The emotional attachment will make it hard for you to leave of-course but you just need to focus on the positives. No matter how bad it may hurt, you just need to remind yourself that it will soon pass. Heartbreak is the best teacher and one should really value the lessons that are taught by heartbreak.
There is no feeling that is worse than feeling helpless. When you feel the person that you love slipping away from your fingers and no matter how hard you try, you just can't seem to bring him back. No matter what you say to him but he just doesn't budge. That is the kind of heartbreak I'm talking about.
Sometimes we hold onto things or people and we don't even realise it. It quite difficult to completely get over a situation that involves your emotions.When a person comes into your life, they don't realise the impact that they have. You may even find that the decisions you make are based on that individuals opinions or how you think they would feel about certain things. When that person or thing walks out of your life then you suddenly feel that you are no longer living but just merely existing.
Life feels like one whole big routine. Everything's the same from Monday  to Monday and even though you don't want to breakdown, it would do you good if you did.

This is what we live for and this is what moulds us to who we become.

THE RELATIONSHIP KILLERS

For any relationship to work, whether romantic or friendship, communication is key. The best person to discuss your relationship with is your partner. Throughout history, couples have been warned to watch out for a third party in their relationship. The mistake that most women make is to assume that the "third party" will always be the women that their partner cheats with. Well you could never be more wrong sweety. Do not under-estimate the power that your friends could have on your relationship. The third party could very well be your bestfriend. In nine out of ten cases, men have been found cheating with their partner's bestfriend. A recent status by Nonhle Zulu on facebook read, " I can't believe after everything I've been through for him, he cheated on me! To make things worse he cheated with my bestfriend! #SoMad". This just makes it clear that Nonhle under-estimated the power that her friend had on her relationship and this is why she did not see this coming.

Men have an admirable principle, they do not "kiss and tell".This means that their private life remains just that, private. Which is why men are normally at peace when it comes to relationship drama. As women we tend to share too much information with our girlfriends. I could bet you R100 that your best-friend knows your partners favourite sex position. This is not because she googled it but it is because you yourself told her. Women are very descriptive when it comes to telling their friends about just how she and her partner get the deed done. The reality is that not everyone is satisfied with their sexual life. The more you describe describe just how your partner gets it right, the more the friend wants to experience this for themselves.

A survey conducted on woman showed that they cheat because:

a) When her friend describes her sex life, it is nothing that she has ever experienced.

b) A close friend disapproves of the relationship and so she feels pressured.

c) Their closest friends are cheating to.

A mistake made by most woman is allowing a friend to dictate to them how a relationship should be run. What you should remember is that different people prefer diffferent things. Allowing this causes conflict in the relationship because the last thing a man wants to hear come out of their partners mouth is, "My bestfriend said..." This tells him that you have been discussing with your bestfriend and that makes him uneasy. Another would be, "your ex is..." This tells him that you are insecure and are indeed threatened by his ex. The moment he makes this discovery, he will start looking for things that do indeed make his ex better than you. The most common is, "We need to talk", this tells him that he is in trouble. If you are going to base your whole argument on what your friend said then you are going to anger him. The worst thing you could ever say to your partner is, "My ex was..." This tells him that you are not over your ex and and that you have been comparing him to your ex the whole time.

The roots of these four statements can be traced right back to the third party. Do not listen to everything that your friends tell you about your partner. You can never be too sure of their agenda. You will have instances where they genuinly care and are trying to protect you but at the end of the day, the relationship is between you and your partner. Just you two alone. Instead talk to your partner about what you've heard and get his side of the story. What we women should always remember is that we fall for certain people for certain reasons. We fall inlove with the qualities we see at present. Why then should we allow or entertain a judgement passed on them based on their past? As people grow, people change, as people change, people mature. Love and respect your partner and always remember that communication is key.

                                     

 

 

Taxi Strike Mayhem

Yesterday 17 May marked a very disruptive day for Durban. Taxi drivers were in complete rage over what they call "ridiculous" fines that they are made to pay to the metro police. Their complaint is that they are being ripped off by the metro police because they ask them for bribes and they make them give the money to their girlfriends. Their biggest complaint is that the money that they are made to pay does not come from the taxi owner but instead comes out of the driver's own pocket. They say that this is unfair because it is taking bread away from their children.
The protest started off peacfully,  being led by Musa Ndlovu who is the chairperson of the Durban Region Taxi Association. The march started at Botha Garden and heading up West Street( Dr Pixley ka Seme) and ending at the city hall. They were marching to hand over a memorandum to the Durban Mayor (James Nxumalo) who was nowhere to be seen. The person that is actually incharge of handling metro police matters at the municipality is currently suspended on suspision of corruption. Roy Ngcobo is the representitive of the municipality that actually had the guts to come out and recieve the memorandum from the angry taxi drivers. They were all complaining about a guy who they call "Nzama" and they actually had plack cards that had rude messages about Nzama. They said that he was incharge of the metro police and he was the reason for all their troubles. They now reffer to the metro police as "run x" because most of them drive run x's.
After they handed the memorandum over then the strike was supposed to end, instead that is when all hell broke loose. The crowd started attacking taxis that were on the road. They through bricks and injured passengers. Other drivers went into different shops and forced shop owners to close and physically attacked some of them. They went into shops and started stealing stuff. They were carrying sticks and they were throwing bricks in every direction. Police tried to disperse the crowd using tear gas and the police on motorbikes tried to discipline the crowd but their efforts were of no success because in turn, they were also physically attacked. Tyres were burnt in the market and any bus that went past was bricked. They injured an old lady and bricked her on her head. They tramped a taxi driver to death at berea. They forced people out of buses. Bins were turned upside down, they destroyed the people mover shelters, they physically attacked each other. They were cursing at anyone with a camera, it was just hell!!
I could not believe that a protest that started off so peacfully could end up so dramatic. I also could not understand why they had to attack the passengers because they have a problem with the metro police and not the passengers.
Who's crazy now? The driver or the metro police?

I'm not sure if you guys are aware of this but there is a wall currently being built between Palestine and Israel. It is meant to seperate the two countries and will be the longest wall in the world. It can be compared to the berlin wall that was built by Hitler in Germany because like it, This wall aims for racial segregation and if you are found on the wrong side of the world then you are killed. This wall will seperate many families and will cause a high unemployment rate as people will not be allowed on the side of the wall. This wall will break relationships, cause death and just cause total distress for people of both countries. I feel that it i our responsibility to raise awareness and try to stop the Israeli government from doing this.
Or am I crazy??

Powers of Darkness???

I know know that it is true, when we sleep that set to work. They want all of us to fall to their principalities and follow thier rout of evil. I've seen the devil! I've felt his presence but through the grace of God I conquered him!! We as society choose to deny this truth and as a result we become easy targets for the devil. We need to think things through before we do them and It should be in our daily culture to question things around us. Just know that your 6th sense is never wrong so you should always listen to it. Prayer is the answer to everything so you should always believe that once you pray you have conquered!!!
God is Love..
Am I crazy now???

Its yet another day, You don't know what happened when you were sleeping but all you know is that you alive. Have you ever wondered what happens to your brain when you sleep??MMM I can't help but wonder